I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
