lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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