i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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