feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
