So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
