Ketchup is God's man juice
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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