i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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