Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
