Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
