mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
