i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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