You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
