Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
