I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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