Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
