Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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