He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
