i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
