Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
