Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize