Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
