Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
