Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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