you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
