I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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