By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
