you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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