Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
