Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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