One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
