you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
