i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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