Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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