Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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