can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just googled if crying burns calories
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
