I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
where am i from again
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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