Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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