Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
