wat bout pragnant strippers??
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
