Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
