help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
