you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize