Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
