i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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