I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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