We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
