I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
