wrigley field is MILF paradise
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
