Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
