Your tits are I can't wait for
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize