I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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