I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
