I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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