Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
