somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
