White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
