There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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