Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My vagina is very pro this idea
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
