Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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