What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
a search helicopter?!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
