I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
