Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
