'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
