Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
