Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
