she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
