There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
