Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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